Thinking through my fingers

How To Avoid Office Romance

Age-long African marital values have been eroded by society gradually, perhaps because the gods do not strike instantly anymore.

Just take a drive through our cities, and you will see how advertisement of products and services has turned into X-rated billboards and commercials, which are not just downright suggestive but actually inviting.

We should not even mention offices in practically all sectors of the economy where our women have consistently “beaten” cartoons in their attempt to “dress to kill”, which they eventually do. The blouses are revealing that you would practically be expecting the buttons to come off any minute for their Contents to burst loose. The skirts or pants makes it quite difficult for most of them to sit comfortably without revealing what God intended for one man’s private press up sessions.

These days, workplace romance is an everyday event. Male and female bosses often demand sex for employment or career advancement. Strangely married men and women are not exempted from this vice. Its really strange how what would be considered a taboo years back has become the norm in workplace.

While it is possible for two unmarried to “fall” in love working in the same place, even that usually does not end up well as the typically physical attraction (Eros) that is confused with true love (Agape) fades away as jealousy and over familiarity sets in. Where parties involved see the relationship progressing to a more permanent status, it is advisable for one partner to change jobs.

Dr. Sola Fola-Alade highlighted in his book “Sex and Seduction exposed” when he stated that, “Out there in the world, 2 out every 3 married men have had affairs outside marriage. For the women, it is 1 out of every 3; invariably 30% have had affairs they could admit to.

In a survey by MODE MEN magazine, almost 40% of employees say they have dated a colleague, and of these almost one in five dated the boss. I believe the true picture in both instances will be higher percentages.

Opportunities abound routinely in work places from official travels, office events and often-late work hours for relationships to develop.

So Why Do People Have Affairs

Rarely is there a single reason why a person has an affair. Rather, there are multitudes of reasons and here are some listed below:-

  • Desire for excitement & Adventure
  • Desire for Understanding & companionship
  • Desire for Romance/Love
  • Desire for Lust/Sex
  • One Night stands or simply Taking Advantage of opportunity


  • Desire for Attention/ Aknowledgement



  • Desire for Revenge

Here the guilty partner “loves” the spouse and does not want divorce…After confronting the unfaithful spouse and rather than confront the unfaithful spouse, he or she chooses to engage in the same behaviour.

  • Desire for freedom

What Do You Do If you’re Already in an inappropriate Office Romance?

Couple Making Out in Office --- Image by © Hugh Sitton/Corbis

Colleagues Making Out in Office

It is advisable that you end it, immediately. No matter how long one has gone wrong road, it is never too late to turn back. It always appears extremely exciting and rewarding at first,second,third and even up to the 50th or more times. The truth of the matter though is that what you get out of an inappropriate affair is pleasure when what you are seeking is happiness.

Unfortunately,pleasure is an activity or experience that brings “joy” or even “happiness” only while the activity or experience is ongoing, without consideration for the consequence. Whereas true happiness is an emotion experienced when in a state of well being, ranging from contentment to intense joy.

The fear of discovery and the limited time available with the outsider is what creates the illusion of excitement in an inappropriate affair.

For Those Not Yet In An Inappropriate Office Romance

That is, the touching and complimenting has not gotten beyond the elbow or knee, you may want to adopt the following checklist to protect yourself.

  • 1 Avoid alcohol or getting drunk at Office parties
  • 2 If you’re a married man, avoid an attractive female secretary(especially if she’s your “spec”)
  • 3 Avoid taking or giving rides to colleagues of the opposite sex
  • 4 Avoid gifts from the opposite sex, particularly those outside your birthdays, especially when expensive
  • 5 Ensure you do not encourage anyone with flirtatious suggestions
  • 6 Avoid late night work with any flirtatious colleague
  • 7 Do not visit the opposite sex in their hotel room when out together on an official trip


Identifying our peculiar weakness against sex is the most important check against inappropriate affairs. If I know that I have a weakness for light skinned ladies for example, then I should avoid all contacts with such people, particularly contacts that could present as opportunities to explore. It is equally important to recognise that temptation do not occur all the time. It does have season and times.

So,one must do a self-study and know his or her own seasons and times and subsequently be on guard at these times. Inability to know oneself and weakness and recognise the bait is the problem. Take responsibility for your temptations.

PS: Anytime you are tempted,it shows that you have been exposed to something by sight or sound. You have to see (or hear) something for you to think it and then do it.


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